Imagine this. You are sitting at a coffee shop with a friend having a conversation. Everything is going great when all of a sudden, the D bomb was dropped.

Everything around you slows down, everyone around you blurs out, and all your focus goes to the tip of their tongue as they say three simple words… “I am deconstructing.” *Jaw Drop! 

You snap out of it and are flustered with emotions and questions. What does this mean? Why would they say this? What do you do? 

Let’s talk about it.

Be that friend.

First of all, I want to begin by saying that deconstruction is not always a bad thing – learn why in our blog, Four False Assumptions about Deconstruction.

If you know someone who is deconstructing their faith, take this as an opportunity to walk with them through it. Deconstruction can often lead many people to have a closer relationship with Christ.  Be that friend – the support system they need when navigating this complex season in their life.

Proverbs 15:22 says, “Plans fail for lack of counsel but with many adviser they succeed.”

Be that friend that helps them succeed and step one inch closer to Christ.

Understand what they mean when they say they are deconstructing.

Deconstruction is not one thing or another. It is different for everyone. Start by asking simple questions to understand what they are questioning and why they are. Once you understand what deconstruction means for them, it can allow you to walk with them in a more understanding manner.

Find the root of the cause. Why do they feel like they need to deconstruct? What was that one thing that made them question their faith? Is there a moment or a series of moments that has them wondering? Don’t be afraid to ask questions if it means you can understand where they are coming from.

Remember to always be respectful of the situation and never force them to talk about anything they are not comfortable discussing.

Let them know you are there for them.

Let them know that you are going to be that friend throughout this process. Showing them that your love for them is not based on their faith represents the love that Christ has for them. Showing the love of Christ is key as they navigate what it means to be a Christian and what they think of Christianity in general.

This opens up more opportunities for vulnerability and intimate conversations about the gospel. Remember, the main focus is not to share a religion, it is to share a relationship and trust in the one who saves – Jesus Christ.

Keep the gospel at the forefront.

In moments of conversation, remind them what the true gospel is. The best healing for any form of deconstruction is through Jesus Christ. Whether they are deconstructing because of an erroneous view they hold or because they’ve been impacted by someone else holding a skewed view – restoration is found in a true understanding of the gospel of peace.

“My comfort in my suffering is this, your promise preserves my life.” Psalm 119:50

Pray with them and for them.

In the end, being their friend, understanding, and listening are all important things throughout this season, but prayer above all is the most powerful thing you can do.

Ask if it is okay to pray with them as they navigate this process. Pray for them when you are alone – ask God to help guide them through this season and ask for His wisdom and presence when having those conversations with that person.