One question I am often asked is , “Why does it seem so hard to talk to your own family about spiritual things?”

What intensifies the burden is that they are usually the ones we most want to see come to Christ. Having lived with them here on earth, we want the assurance that they will be with us in heaven.

Reaching family members is not always easy, but sometimes we make it harder than it needs to be. We often make five mistakes in attempting to share the gospel with them. These are not in any particular order but simply five mistakes I’ve seen believers make in witnessing to their own families. These mistakes can of course be made when talking to anyone, but they are particularly applicable when speaking to those of our own family.

Mistake #1 – Assuming that they will bring up the past

Normally, nobody knows you better than your own relatives. They have seen your impatience, unkind attitudes, or fits of anger. You then think, “What if they bring that up?”

What is interesting is that they usually don’t. That is simply something Satan uses to intimidate you. Besides, if they do, all you need to say is, “I regret those actions, but I have asked the Lord for His forgiveness and am grateful for it.” Then use that as a basis for explaining the gospel. It was through His death on the cross that He paid for all of our sins so imperfect people could receive completely free the gift of eternal life.

Mistake #2 – Not making the gospel clear

Relatives often understand that there was a person called Jesus Christ who died on a cross. What they fail to understand is that He died in their place. His death was a substitutionary death. Had He not died, we would have.

Here is where an illustration of one person dying for another is often helpful. You may say something as simple as, “Suppose you were dying of cancer. And we took the cancer cells from your body and put them into my body. I would be dying in your place.”

When evangelizing anyone, do not overwhelm them with Scripture. But throughout your presentation, using a few verses can be helpful. A verse that is beneficial to use is Romans 5:8. “But God demonstrates His love for us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

Mistake #3 – not explaining what is meant by “faith”

Scriptures are clear. “For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.” (Ephesians 2:8,9)

The difficulty is that to unbelievers, including our own relatives, faith can be a vague term. To others, it is the object of their faith that is the problem. Relatives may feel that because they are seeking to live a God-honoring life or make promises to reform in areas that are displeasing to God, they will somehow make it to heaven.

Faih must be explained as trust. As sinners, we must trust in Christ who died for us as our only way to heaven. It is also trust in Christ alone. Not Christ plus something or someone, but Christ period as our only way to heaven.

Mistake #4 – Confusing entering the Christian life with living it

Because the gospel is not made clear, non-Christian relatives can begin to wonder how they can live the Christian life. In so doing, they confuse entering the Christian life with living it.

It needs to be explained that when God says “gift” He means gift. There are no strings attached. Everything we do after salvation is simply a “thank you” for what He has done for us. Yet God will not give us eternal life on the basis of any promises we make to Him, but solely on the basis of a promise He made to us. “Most assuredly,  I say to you, he who believes in Me has everlasting life.” (John 6:47)

Mistake #5 – Not encouraging family members to settle the matter of their eternal destiny NOW

There are two extremes in evangelizing family members. One is when our impatience attempts to rush them into a decision that they are not prepared to make. Other times, though, they are both receptive and ready, and need to be asked, “Is there anything keeping you from trusting Christ right now?”

You might lead a relative in prayer phrase by phrase as they tell God that they are trusting Christ to save them, having made clear that is not saying a prayer that saves them, but trusting Christ. Prayer is only how they tell God what they are doing.

Conclusion

Each of these mistakes can be made in attempting to reach anyone,  but most certainly in attempting to reach our own relatives. These mistakes, though, are easily corrected. In so doing, you sharpen your skills in presenting the gospel with both clarity and compassion to those who are part of your family, and you yearn to see them become part of His.