We all have them, family members who are hard to love. Maybe you have someone in your family who:

• cannot resist bringing up politics,
• says whatever pops into their mind, no matter how awkward,
• loves to gossip,
• acts like they would rather be anywhere else,
• has hurt you in the past.

Even though certain family members may get under our skin, we are still called to love them as God loves them. Jesus said,

But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful. Luke 6:35-36

Loving your challenging relatives does not mean you must have “warm fuzzies” whenever you see them. It also does not mean that you must put on an act and pretend.

What it does mean is treating them the way you would want to be treated and responding in a “Christ-like” way regardless of how they treat you. It also means availing yourself to God so He can use you in their lives, including sharing the gospel with them if they do not know the Lord.

[A quick disclaimer. I am not talking about situations where abuse is involved. Situations, where someone hurts us mentally, emotionally, or physically require healthy boundaries.]

How can we love and even minister to those in our families who are not easy to love?

1. Ask God to help you.

Loving people who are hard to love is not only hard, but nearly impossible in our own strength. That is why Paul commands us to “Walk in the Spirit” in Galatians 5:16. That means to depend on the Holy Spirit to empower us to do what we cannot do on our own. When we walk in the Spirit (5:16), we produce the fruit of the Spirit (22-23), including love, patience, and kindness, regardless of the circumstances or the people involved.

2. Seek to understand the person.

Consider their upbringing, life experiences, point of view, etc. Strive to put yourself in their shoes. This is particularly true if your relative is a non-Christian. When Jesus looked at the crowds in Matthew 9:36, “He had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.” Remember, if you did not know Christ, what would you believe? Where would you be? How would you act?

3. Humble yourself.

The Psalmist writes, “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me.” (Psalm 139:23-24) Come before the Lord and recognize that you are not perfect and have faults of your own, including what it is in you that causes you to get so irritated by them. Perhaps it is pride, bitterness, or you have a control issue. Focusing on your faults and dealing with them can free you up to focus less on the faults of others.

4. Forgive.

If someone has sinned against you in the past, it is important to forgive them as Christ commanded (Matthew 18:21-22). But what about people who have not sought our forgiveness? Remember that an essential component of forgiveness is to release the person and situation to the Lord, letting him handle it in His way and time (Romans 12:19). When you do so, you experience freedom from bitterness and acquire the ability to love that person because you are trusting God with the situation.

5. Pray before and during your visit.

This not only includes praying for them but also praying for yourself. Pray that God will allow you to see them the way He does, that you would be quick to listen and slow to speak, and for wisdom as you navigate conversations. Most of all, pray that God will use you to move them at least one step closer to Christ through your words and actions.